Drinking my first cup of strong French roast coffee and eating a healthy breakfast in the morning is delightful. I stretch, meditate, and take prescribed pills for my aches and pains. My happy pill is called “Dance.” Dancing helps me keep physically and mentally fit. It also allows me to turn emotions into a beautiful art piece one move at a time.
Aging is not for sissies. In my younger years (mid-50s), I was able to do a high développé, aerials, and dance for hours without feeling fatigued. My brain was sharp and focused, and I could easily learn new steps. My dress was a smaller size, and my skin had fewer wrinkles. I was fearless, positive, and loved to be challenged. Fast forward 20 years, I have changed. Wrinkles have appeared, my dress size is larger, and I can no longer do some of the moves that I used to.
I am currently working with my dance instructor on a 1940s swing dance performance in which my costume and hair represent that era. Did you know in the 40s, the three loops on top of a woman’s hair style represented the Morse code? I am confident that my costume and hair will look the part. However, I am fearful and have feelings of self-doubt about my performance. My Morse code: di-dit, dah-dit, dit, dit, dah-di-dit/di-di-di-dit,dit,di-dah-di-dit,di-dah-dah-dit/ translates to, “I need help!”
From my dance connections, I was referred to Antoinette Datoc. I did some investigating and here’s what I discovered:
Antoinette Datoc is a certified mental performance coach. She specializes in helping athletes of all ages and skill levels cultivate positive mindsets and mental strength. She is a competitive Amateur Ballroom dancer and the brains behind The Dancing Housewife blog and podcast and the ballroom-specific advice column, Ask the Dance Diva.
Antoinette was a stay-at-home mom and housewife for 23 years. When she first began ballroom dancing nearly a decade ago, she created a blog to share her comedic exploits and encourage novice ballroom dancers not to give up. The advice column followed, then the podcast, which is dedicated to exploring ballroom dance topics, meeting new people, and sharing inspiring stories from the fascinating world of ballroom dance.
Antoinette’s professional expertise in mental performance training, combined with her experience as a competitive ballroom dancer, makes her the perfect resource for someone facing performance challenges. I decided to ask her for advice.
Letter to the Dancing Housewife
Dear Dance Diva Antoinette,
Aging has impacted my ability to dance. How do I overcome my lack of confidence and accompanying anxiety?
—Chris
Response from the Dancing Housewife
Dear Chris,
I tried to find some statistics to support what I know is true: most amateur dancers, especially pro-am competitors, are in the senior age classifications. I found an article, Older Dancers Are the Ones to Beat on the Ballroom Circuit, published in 2017 which claims, “ in ballroom competitions across the United States, the largest group of dancers are age 51 and above…” I feel compelled to mention the article provided no statistical evidence to support this claim, but based on my own experience as a competitor, I can’t dispute it. There are many people dancing well into their sixties, seventies, and eighties. We are all managing the effects of aging. In other words, Chris, you’re not alone.
There is much in this life and world we cannot control. What we can control are our thoughts and behavior. Period. End of discussion. I understand you are feeling the impact of aging concerning your dancing, but since aging is one of those things we can’t control, there’s no use ruminating over it.
I would like to challenge you to flip the narrative going on in your head. Rather than focusing on the negative impact aging is having on your dancing, why not choose to focus on the positive impact ballroom dancing is having on your aging. To help facilitate this mindset shift, consider the following facts:
- Engaging in ballroom dance sessions regularly has been demonstrated to enhance cardiovascular health, increase flexibility, strengthen muscles and joints and improve balance and coordination.
- There are remarkable mental benefits associated with ballroom dancing. Learning new steps, figures and choreography promotes mental sharpness and memory retention. Coordinating movement with music and rhythm stimulates the creation of new neural connections and improves overall cognitive function.
- Social science research supports the idea that social interaction is key to emotional well-being, especially as we age and ballroom dancing is an ideal activity for promoting socialization. Everything from connecting with your dance partner, competing, taking group classes, and attending social parties provides ample opportunities for interacting with others. It can lead to developing meaningful friendships off the dance floor. Socially active seniors are less likely to experience depression and anxiety, and report higher levels of contentment, confidence, and motivation.
In addition to cultivating a growth-oriented mindset, the following are some tips for overcoming your lack of confidence and the anxiety you are experiencing as you learn to navigate some of the physical limits that come with aging:
- Practice gratitude. Grateful people are more optimistic and happier than ingrates. Find something for which to be thankful every morning when you wake up and every evening before you fall asleep.
- Practice breathwork. Breathwork refers to intentionally controlling the rate, pattern and depth of respirations as a means to calm the body and quiet the brain. Breathwork reduces anxiety and compulsive thinking improves our ability to focus and increases energy. It is one of the most accessible mental performance tools because 1) everyone breathes and 2) you can focus on your breathing anywhere, anytime.
- Practice Sport Visualization. There is no denying we fatigue more quickly as we age. I’m unable to practice as frequently or for as long as I used to a decade ago which is why I regularly practice Sport Visualization. It’s a mental performance tool that capitalizes on the brain’s inability to distinguish something imagined and something actually experienced. In other words, if you visualize an experience – for example your Cha Cha or Waltz – in vivid enough detail, your brain will perceive it as something that actually happened and store it as a memory. Sport Visualization accelerates recovery from injury and skill development and promotes muscle memory, which leads to an increase of clarity, confidence, and motivation.
Finally, Chris, I’ll leave you with one last pearl of wisdom gleaned from a memo I saw on social media. We don’t stop dancing because we get old; we get old because we stop dancing. So, keep dancing, my friend, keep on dancing!
—The Dance Diva, Antoinette
P.S.
If you’d like to find out what working with a mental performance coach can do for you, book a free 30-minute coaching session. You’ve got nothing to lose!
Thank you Dancing Housewife
Dear Dance Diva Antoinette,
Thank you for your advice. I will set up a time for coaching with you.
Chris
My Review for You Dancers: Do you feel stuck in your performance? Contact a coach who has been in your shoes. Contact Antoinette Datoc!
(Editor’s Note: Chris has since debuted her FABULOUS Swing Dance Performance. Check out her recipe for putting together a great Showcase.)
Who is Antoinette?
Who is Antoinette?Antoinette Datoc is a Certified Mental Performance Coach who specializes in brain training for athletes. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Yale University and is a Certified Mental Performance Coach through Elite Brain Training for Athletes and a Certified Life Coach through the Lumia International Coaching Federation Accredited Training Program.
Her vast athletic experience started in her formative year as a gymnast in grade school and a diver in high school. Her competitive diving extended into her college years at Yale, where she competed as a springboard diver and was the Captain of the Varsity Women’s Swim Dive Team.
She has since gained additional experience and perspective as a competitor, parent, and coach. She accrued 15 years of experience as a Gymnastics Instructor and Competitive Coach with USA Gymnastics and the YMCA and was the Assistant Varsity Girls’ Gymnastics Coach for a college preparatory private school in Atlanta, Georgia.
Antoinette and her husband, Patrick, began ballroom dancing in 2014, and have been staples at USA Dance competitions since 2015. Their competitive ballroom achievements include 17 USA Dance Amateur National Championship titles – 10 in American Rhythm, six in 9-Dance (Rhythm/Smooth), and one in American Smooth.
Antoinette uses her unique perspective as a competitor, parent of two athletes, and coach to help athletes of all ages and levels cultivate positive mindsets and mental strength.
(Editor’s Note: American Dancer was featured in Antoinette’s May podcast – Episodes 20 and 21 “A Conversation with Rose-Ann Lynch.) Thank you to the Dancing Housewife!
