After my dance partner returned from an emergency room visit some time ago, I was informed by her doctor that she had advanced Alzheimer’s disease. I learned online that this disease is a progressive neurodegenerative disorder that primarily affects older adults, leading to memory loss, cognitive decline, and behavioral changes. I later learned that this was a very accurate description.
Following my discussion with the doctor, he told me that he believed I was in denial because of my perception of the disease. At first, it seemed like he had a pessimistic outlook, but I later realized that he was highly knowledgeable about the condition. He even provided an estimate of how long she had to live. Initially, I struggled to accept that prognosis.
I met with a friend who was passionate about dance to discuss my partner’s condition. Surprisingly, she had experienced the same situation with her partner months earlier and was more knowledgeable about this incurable disease than I was. She also validated what my doctor had told me about being in denial. This experience was a wake-up call for me.
My research led to an inevitable conclusion: It was only a matter of time.
It was difficult to accept the challenging situation fate had given me. It was time for me to embrace Stoicism and take some kind of action. During my research, I was influenced by an article that said, “Instead of institutions, we strongly encourage person-centered care for people living in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease so they can live comfortably in long-term care that ensures their quality of life”
I discovered that my partner could still dance from what she had learned decades ago, despite embarrassing changes in her behavior. Nonetheless, I was determined to make her comfortable. The “person-centered care” encouragement seemed useful. Today, I am still committed to helping her do what she loves in her final years.
Even though this story doesn’t have a happy ending, it brought me together with caring, thoughtful, and empathetic individuals who sensed that something was wrong. Many of them may have had firsthand experience dealing with this terrible illness in their own families. They were very understanding of the unusual behavior and showed kindness in return. I will never forget this silver lining.
American Dancer thanks Tom Hufnagel for his Commentary. Do you have a dance story to tell? Send it to Managing Editor Rose-Ann Lynch at Americandancer@usadance.org.
Tom Hufnagel has intermittently been an active member of USA Dance’s Chapter #2015 Youngstown-Warren, Ohio, since the 1990s. He used to work as a Microsoft Office software instructor at ETI Technical College in Niles, Ohio, but is now retired. Along with the college director, Renee Zuzolo, he taught East Coast Swing and Waltz to the students for free. Tom learned ballroom dance in Columbus and Grandville Heights, Ohio.
